insert title

insert: quote about apathy that implies i am apathetic

ALONE PARTY!

Get gloriously tanked and buy stuff on eBay!! WHOOO!!!!

college ruled

My Alma Mater: Decimating the inherent joys of reading, since1848.

I don’t love you but I love laughing at you and isn’t that good enough?

The single geek is wont to make fun of people who have more courage than we have. In that grand tradition, here are some singles listings near my new town. (Yes, I do browse them often, and yes I laugh at them despite the gaping void in my own tortured soul.)

“I am an Arborist which is similar to a tree surgen.”

Well thank God he’s not a real surgen, is all I can say.

“I’m Tommy, an Italian jersey guy. Going to be a teacher, until then I’m goin to school and workin with pre-k kids. I’m a funny guy, sweet, responsible, and romantical but hey don’t just take my word for it, come find out.”

More from this lug:

“I’m mostly italian so if anyone knows what its like to be really italian…”

“favorite hot spots: Wow this is some question.”

Can’t you just hear him as he softly whispers in your ear? “You take da route 208 which would get you out onto da pahkway. Den you go a little futha down, an make a lef. Ya wid me?”

“You know the romantic and adventurous guys most women are looking for? I can so do that. I have a great creative energy and for the woman that deserves it that energy will be unlocked and watch out. One romantic idea that I’ve come up with is 30 tea candles lit in the bathroom along with a bubble bath and a relaxing mix CD playing. That’s just a sample.”

Ooh, watch out. Ladies he will thrill you with — a bath!

“I have so much to type, but even more to share. I’m a mildly simplistic person.”

I cannot fully type out why this is so funny to me. It’s so complex, and yet. Mildly not.

“Some quotes that help describe my personality: On Love – “Lovely Lady, let me drink you please, I won’t spill a drop, no, I promise you…Lying under this spell you cast on me, each moment, The more I love you…” – DMB On Religion – “No denomination’s nailed it yet, and they never will because they’re all too self-righteous to realize that it doesn’t matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith.” – Serendipity (Dogma) On Wealth ME On Politics – Why follow someone else when you can lead”

You really do seem like a leader. Really…..”A leader-cola!” -Farva On Cola

(“Yes I know it’s liter.” – ME on what I just typed.)

“Are you tired of corny pick up lines from jerks with a bottle of hair gel dumped in their head?”

Now that you mention it yes. It leaks out their ears sometimes.

“I am addicted to the show Seinfeld. If they ever stop showing the reruns, I would probably throw my tv in the trash.”

“One of those, you know Jerry, a TV-Trasher, you know the type. They throw away their TVs because they didn’t buy DVDs of fossilized shows.”

And finally, “(I) Have great family and friendship relations.”

Confucius say, Man who have relations, and family, and friends, doing fine.

Don’t tell me about your impressive cutlery set, how your friends call you humble, how you appreciate the finer things in life and also enjoy Emo music.

Don’t put up 18 photos where you are dressed like a pirate, don’t wink with coke bottle glasses on, don’t post your drama class headshot because you look like you are about to try to eat my liver. (And don’t post the one where you think you look like Ty Pennington. You do not look like Ty Pennington.)

Don’t let your username eerily remind me of the word bigamist, and don’t have “anything reality” listed as your favorite tv show.

Don’t be an atheist who can’t stand pessimists. (Come on now, you can’t believe there’s a God and you are upset with me because I can’t believe they forgot the mustard on this?)

 

So-Called Art Imitates …Life

This t-shirt is very popular now.

This was more popular when it was Jordan Catalano.

 

Let me… no

Let me entertain you by letting someone else do that.

I hate links to videos.

The Don’t Cuss Blog congratulates you and your underwear

The undisputed sexiest Mormon in America, Brandon Flowers, has revealed that after many manicures and a couple (heretofore unexplained) boyfriends, he is a mere 40 pounds away from achieving his dream of becoming Ross The Intern.

<-><->

Old Man Party

Good evening gentlemen!

Kindly button your shirts all the way to the top, and enjoy the festivities.

EDIT: DON’T TEST ME, SAMBORA.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!”

New York City is the city that never sleeps, due to the fact that Leno does not come on until 11:30.

People + People Who Read = People

I have often asked, why do people keep having more people if they just make us fight with each other?

Then tonight I spent some time reading the Wall Street Journal. I was feeling a lot of stress until I looked up at the little blond 2 year old in front of me, giggling about absolutely nothing… and you know something? I felt better.

So the answer is, because of The Wall Street Journal. I don’t know how to remedy this problem but I was thinking we could shut them down somehow.

not until you finish your slate articles

MO!THER! I’m done with my homework and there’s nothing on the internet I tried all the channels can I PLEASE go outside!

not a post

This is just to let everyone know there is still one Jeff I trust.

EDIT: I do not trust him anymore.

i can embrace all people and then brag about it to you other weirdos

I mock you because I have a tiny house in the birthplace of American pop culture and i am very cultured in that way plus I know really, really ethnic people who are religiously diverse, and my toilet flushes backward.

Who am I.
I am a snotty northerner with a peculiar toilet problem.

it was like 19 years ago ok

Pocahontas: The rainstorm and the river are my brothers.

Pocahontas’s dad: Don’t remind me.