Did you just spray Febreze in here?

When God closes a door, he opens a window.

I’m not trying to get predictably literal. It’s just that this essentially means that God would remove the most pleasant way out of a situation, and provide instead an unobtainable glimpse of freedom. Did he just want there to be a smaller opportunity for freedom? Did he get himself stuck in there, and he’s a little claustrophobic? Does he just think you keep the house way too cold? Does he prefer fresh air to house air? Couldn’t he just make another door, and open that one? For that matter, can’t he just open the same door back up? If he just wants the window open, why did he have to close the door? Which is bigger? It is a sliding glass door? Does the window go to the same place the door does, or somewhere else? Why doesn’t he stop focusing attention on the window, and just make the room itself a nicer place to be?

In other news, I’m still on hiatus.

EDIT: This entry has gotten a bad review from someone, and I’d like to redirect shim to my About page. That is all.

But Otis is just Otis

When I’m a rapper I’m gonna go by the name Helen Crunk.

I rap with O.G. Taylor too.

I demand to see my children.

From BehindTheName.com:

SARAH

Means “lady” or “princess” in Hebrew.

ANNE

French form of HANNAH.

HANNAH

From the Hebrew name חַנָּה (Channah) which meant “favour” or “grace”.

I just want to take this opportunity to note that I am Princess Grace. It’s news to me too.

Good Hiatus?

There’s more where that came from.

I’m restricting my web use so I focus harder on my work. Sorry. Or you’re welcome.

See y’all after I make a dollar.

Kind of funny

I was driving in a new neighborhood yesterday, and I went too far down the road. Once I realized it, I turned around at the next opportunity, which was actually a church’s parking lot.

Before I pulled into traffic, I looked up and – I’m not kidding – there was the church’s sign: “A Great Place To Turn Around.”

I can’t make this stuff up.

If I could start a viral video…

It doesn’t look like many people have found this. But I think it’s pretty dang entertaining.

In No Particular Order

4: The most underrated number due to its understated square power.

6: The track number serving as an in-depth indicator of the quality of an album.

37: The peak age of male sexiness.

242: The number that is trying to tell Chris something important.

I say who! I say when! I say who!

I decided to make a list of the albums I have listened to for more than 6 months at a time. They only got my attention one at a time, and I was deeply in love with every one of them – in most cases, the entire album. I’ll try to be a little bit chronological.

Carman – The Champion (It was a cassette. I was young enough to be riding on someone’s shoulders, I remember that much.)

Michael W. Smith – Go West Young Man (One of my first CDs.)

Steven Curtis Chapman – The Great Adventure (This and the previous one have some pretty sad memories attached.)

Out of Eden – Lovin’ the Day

Jaci Velasquez – Heavenly Place

Romeo + Juliet Soundtrack, Disc 2 – Tracks 9, 10, and 11 (I borrowed it from Jennifer Liner and she never got it back.)

Jim Brickman – By Heart (I’m a retired Brick-head.)

Seltzer (Compilation)

Nichole Nordeman – Wide-Eyed (The power here is in the sing-along feeling.)

Newsboys – Step Up To The Microphone (Did some of my most heartfelt, desperate youthful journaling while listening to that CD.)

Blessid Union of Souls – Self-titled (That was a cassette; I was 17 here. Note the shift to not-exactly-Christian music.)

Sixpence None the Richer – Whatever that one album was. I liked all the songs except “Kiss Me.”

K’s Choice – Coccoon Crash

The Choir – Free Flying Soul (Takes some getting used to, but I still find it addictive.)

Backstreet Boys – Millennium (I can’t remember most of my college faves, but this one stands out from sophomore year. Back then, I was too concerned with making sure I never signed off my instant messenger.)

Fiona Apple – When The Pawn (I was a college senior and I actually owned a portable MP3 player. It was made by Creative, and was bigger than my portable CD player.)

Angie Aparo – The American

All-American Rejects – Self-titled (Probably holds both the record for longest-played and the one for most quickly forgotten. But I did fall for it before it got popular; it was $8.99 when I got it. I’m not exactly sure what I’m trying to prove there, though.)

…There are several years in here where I’m sure I had a long-running album. But when the next one came out, I guess I forgot everything prior to it. It rocked my world.

Rufus Wainwright – Want One (One Christmas all I asked for was Rufus Wainwright’s music.)

After that, I didn’t have a CD player in my car for about 3 years.

EDIT: I can’t believe I forgot Take 6, which was the first CD I ever overplayed. My Junior year it was India Arie’s first disc. 2nd senior year of school it was Tracy Chapman’s Revolution. Whew, ok.

Oh, and Regina Spektor’s Soviet Kitsch.

For Your Listening Pleasure: My favorite ex-favorite album.

I’ve always had this weird knack for knowing after the first line of a song, that I needed to have the entire CD and that I’d fall in love with the whole thing. It’s rare. That’s why I only buy an album every year or so.  I can keep one disc in my player for 8 months. It’s good too, because the music I choose usually only has a shelf life of about a year.  And if you ride in a car with me, it has about a 20 second tolerability cap.

K’s Choice’s album Coccoon Crash was the most brilliant event in 1998. Now it has settled into the surreal life, making the rounds as a misspelled, uninteresting YouTube background song. Nothing happens in this video, except the part where you realize how far back my emotional issues really span. Enjoy.

Yes, they really are bigger on the inside.

Do you think that if I post videos, I’m just creating empty content? Do you think I need to have some more creative thoughts before I post again? Are you beginning to think I’ve been phoning it in ever since the Orion post?

Allie sent me this one a while back, and since I did actually attend a Dr. Who convention with my dad and brother when I was a tot… it made me smile. It also made Allie smile but I suspect there was something else behind that.

All that preaching.

Square One TV basically gave me permission to be a nerd. Although… a fresh look at the other program segments makes me realize that it also gave me permission to enjoy off-Broadway musicals.

I still like it.

I don’t care if it runs too long, or it’s unoriginal. I laugh when I see it. Enjoy!

Pon de Remake?

Rihanna has a CoverGirl contract now.

It’s driving me crazy that there’s a Mascara-ara-ara parody song begging to be made, but no appropriate forum.

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Current music: Vienna Teng, "Daughter"

Let’s hope they were anxiety pills.

My mom found a list she made for me when I was about 3.

She let me tell her all the things I wanted to pray for, and she actually prayed for them.

Here it is:

• Color inside the lines
• Eat my vegetables
• Drink my milk
• Flush and wash my hands
• Do treasure maps and hunts
• Not lean back in my chair
• Tie my shoes
• Keep the ball out of the street
• Stay in the yard
• Find animals in the clouds
• No fish in the swimming pool
• Tall enough to see over the bathroom sink
• Throw Kleenex into the trash can
• Don’t use too much toilet paper
• Swallow a pill
• Chew my meat well
• Don’t get peanut butter and jelly on the table
• Ice cream stain to come out of my shirt
• Write in scribble script, not just coloring
• Not fall down and scrape my knee
• Tricycle
• Not swallow toothpaste
• Kiss my great aunt

I’m going to have to go ahead and ask you to come in on Sunday, too…

I offer you a religious photo I got in an e-mail forward about Jesus.

So this is the big update. We Christians now attach some kind of significance to the image of Gary Cole.

Draw your own Dr. Possible parallel if you like to get serious.

I’m not opposed to this being alternatively viewed as The Dude – especially considering that both he and the Lord so faithfully abide.

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Current music: Tori Amos, "Sleeps With Butterflies"

Indeed The Inscrutable Red Potty

When I was growing up, most of my friends’ parents had this orange-red shag carpeting and all the latest red tupperware.

In the past 20 years the shade has managed to creep up onto the living room and bedroom walls. We know how grating I find the red front doors, and I just want to announce that I’m bracing for the red ceilings.

Heck, if you’re looking long term, just buy up all your stock in red potties.

All your stock is in a potty right now anyway…. haha… ahem sorry I really am sorry that’s happening to your life savings… gee I hope that’s not the next big trend in red

And other misunderstood afflictions

This handy website defines cyberchondriacs for anyone who’s not already in the know:

"Internet-users who become hyperchondriacs due to inaccurate health information."

Aside from the completely meaningless term "hyperchondriacs" – that definition is widely accepted. I get it.

But I still think the only rational definition of a cyberchondriac is someone who continues to mistakenly suspect that he has an internet connection.

I’ll call your house tonight at dinnertime to discuss my doubts.

I knew this sweet guy who went to the same therapist I went to. When I saw him there, I didn’t exactly feel kindred with him; it was awkward. But I reserved judgment. After all, I was there too. In a strange twist, I don’t think he made such a forgiving decision about me. I find the blogosphere a similar environment, and if you disagree please write me a letter and then don’t send it; you’ll feel so much better. Also consider setting some artifacts on fire.

The Don’t Cuss Blog is no more poignant than your average episode of Car Talk, and not nearly as significant. Yet I feel strongly (and my feelings are valid and real) that the word "musing" should be categorically banned for any blog titles or taglines.

There. I asserted myself.

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Current music: Buddy Jewell, "Sweet Southern Comfort" (I love this gadget!)

Like “Me”? Then you’ll love, “My Dog”!

The dog sleeps in my bed. To be specific, the dog feels he has to sleep in whatever exact spot I was planning to claim. Meaning the whole night we compete for my spot because the dog is, as my mom says, "a touch junkie." I dreamed last night that the dog had a blog. I am fully aware that this post has already classified me as

• self-indulgent by blog author default
• a tori amos fan cliche
• that weird girl who lets the dog sleep in her bed

So let’s add

• dreams in rhyme schemes
• envisions a majestic dog blog
• feels genuine subconscious competition with the dog

The dog – let’s call him Bippy P. to protect his anonymity – was using all my posts, but then adding a dog’s perspective. I couldn’t outdo that, and he had this great shtick where he’d copy all my subject lines then tack on "….The dog!" His format was better than mine, and he was listed on Slate.

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Current music: Mark Joggerst & Ralf Kemper, "Lexus – The Pursuit of Perfection No. 2"

The Elephant in Your Mouth

Pete Wentz appears to be fitted with some sort of permanent upper mouth tray or teeth guard.

It’s entirely possible he has the "as yet unconfirmed but oh come on" Hannah Montana clear braces.

You go girl. Nothing bad ever came of teaching the tween demographic that enunciating is cool. I have serious issues with Miley Cyrus which we shall no doubt, in the very near future, call an international summit to discuss. So that can wait, hm?

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Current music: Tori Amos, "Girl Disappearing" …hooray! pausing for a singalong…By the way, did I ever link this?

You really shouldn’t eat that.

I didn’t say my ideas were novel, did I?

Society (Don’t you love when people talk about society? Don’t you just feel condescended to, before the brilliant tragic-connect-the-dots even begins?) has bought into an odd idea. We have effectively turned one another’s insecurities into staunch belief systems. (Talk amongst yourselves, talk amongst yourselves.)

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Current music: Michael Jackson, "Human Nature"

Then dust it with a tiny brush

Archaelogy is not a lawless society, people.

(I got a new gadget that lets me put weird things in my posts like what song I’m listening to as I write. Wicked COOOOOL.)

Current music: Freddie Stevenson, “Always Is a Long Word”
43 Things Tags: The More You Know ====*

Britches

Last week I started to get a lot of visitors to my blog. I looked into a way to keep those visitors. The advice I found was: update more. I thought, hey I wanted to do that anyway.

Everyone left though. Thanks though, to the 10 of you who are still here.

43 Things. OK 42. OK well how many do you have.

No matter where you go, you will encounter human nature.

This is a backward timeline listed under the search box.

When I was in college, I wanted a job that I enjoyed, and that paid enough. In 2 years, I just wanted to be paid enough. In 2 more years I just wanted a job. I think Victoria is going through some of that.

Know Your Subcultures: Lesson 1

After the Christian rock band Avalon performed, Thompson was introduced.

Given my characteristic appreciation for the opinions and leanings of others, I feel compelled to note that this particular author was unsettlingly …liberal… in his description above. Well, he got the Christian part right. And the band part.

A little more fact-checking on the “rock” part would reveal a little absolute truth.