I like to hit the Mute button during commercials. Yeah, I have big opinions about how pathetic it is that Americans must endure commercials at all times, but they’re boring so nevermind.
Only the Adult Swim bumps and a handful of other commercials (I can think of one local hospital commercial) have a the right idea: Don’t brutally kick-box people’s senses while they recline in the safety of their homes.
Yes, I have a list of grievances a mile long. There’s the fact that commercials now acknowledge their influence on American musical taste, and strategically choose well-known “unknown” artists in an effort to look cool. Children, these are corporations. They are not “cool.”
And why haven’t they figured out that silence is a much more effective tool to make people pay attention to the message? It’s like they’re doing a project for an advertising class; they’re not using common sense. And everyone knows “free” either means “$18 S&H” or “With a paid subscription” or my favorite, “You’ll forget to mail this back to us, and we’ll bill you.”
The point here is that I’ve noticed a few ads that offend me so strongly that I actually hit the POWER button on my TV. I am so irrationally overcome by an extreme need to make the commercial stop right this second, that my mute button is simply no good.
Here is a short list of the offenders I’ve noticed as of late.
5. The Vonage commercials. I know them on sight, and I’ve gotten very good at turning them off before the woo-hoo chorus starts. It’s been something like two years they’ve continued this campaign despite my impassioned protest e-mails, which read something like, “I don’t care if Vonage is giving out the antidote to SARS, I’ll never give you any money.” Aw, it’s nice to realize how old and opinionated I’ve gotten.
4. Any images of this founding member of Future Creepy Cult Leaders of Television:
3. The precise moment (it used to be 10 seconds in, now I can call it at 5) I realize this is a whiny Old Navy song, and not the song the Whos sing in Whoville at the end of the story.
2. Lipozene… Oh you have to be kidding me. I can’t even begin to explain why this is so offensive. “BODY FAT IS UNATTRACTIVE!” Wow, did the Obesity Research Institute tell you that too then? Thanks for the unnecessary insult to the majority of your viewers, and all the people who are attracted to them. I had a subscription to Cosmopolitan like every other needlessly insecure young girl, and I’m already wise to your game. p.s. I hate you.
This isn’t the offending ad, but it’s just as dumb. Some blond journalist spewing propaganda and saying, “It’s not your fault! You aren’t the one who had children, has a job, doesn’t exercise, and eats the wrong foods!” Gee, your mixed messages have changed my life. Send me two boxes of this clinically proven miracle that is only available over the counter, post haste.
1. 1,2,3,4 Tell me that you love me more, 5,6,7,8 Bombard me with a song I hate.
There really a people who get paid to assign music to any given ad – these people are practically musical encyclopedias. How disappointing that somehow they’ve only been able to choose Feist, Ingrid Michaelson, the otherwise precious Regina Spektor, CSS, Mika, and Lifehouse over – oh, I don’t know, every other available musical act?
Music is probably the most immediate way that advertising can make a connection with me. Misusing it is the worst of the worst, so until things change, I’m keeping the remote control handy.
—
Here’s an example of a local commercial that doesn’t assault your peace of mind. Not the one I was talking about before, but still a good example.
December 18, 2007 at 12:19 am
5. I actually kinda like the woo-hoo jingle.
4. Mr. Rogers has really let himself go.
3. Even with the sound off, I still want to deck these people.
2. Lipozene is all over the 24 hour local news channel here in NYC. Every morning, I go to turn it on so I can look in the bottom left corner of the screen and see how cold it is outside, and instead I’m greeted by that botoxed harpy. I’m 6′3″ and 165 pounds soaking wet. I WANT unattractive body fat. Get off my tv!
1. I can’t tell you how happy I am that someone else hates Feist as much as I do.
December 18, 2007 at 1:11 am
I hate commercials, too. My husband writes them, though. Like, for a living. Causes some drama in the house.
December 18, 2007 at 2:38 am
Masten, for a long time under “music” my MySpace page simply said, “I don’t like Feist. I DON’T LIKE FEIST.” It’s lovely to know I’m not the only one.
I got a text from a friend today that said, “Dan Fogelberg has died. God has deserted us.” Fogelberg replaced with Feist – this is a sign of the apocalypse.
K, well, that’s not his fault – and he certainly didn’t create the industry – or capitalism. It’s nice to know that I suffer in order that food may be put on the table of honest bloggers like you, and not just so that they can oil up the money machine.
December 19, 2007 at 2:05 pm
It’s times like this that make me sad that YouTube suspended my account, because I had, y’know, a mine of sheer gold to post. I love commercials. Not all of them, of course, or even many of them. We’re in a drought of really good commercials it seems these days, but at least this decade has some good ones. I have an entire playlist of songs I got from commercials. I couldn’t care less about the products, but the songs actually do make me go “Oh my gosh, I must have this!” And that is why God should bless the internet.
As for your list…
5) I still don’t see what’s wrong with the Woo-Hoo song. It’s kitschy. Everybody loves kitsch. Think of it as an audible chotchkie*.
4) That’s not a commercial! That’s an infomercial (“Oh wait, isn’t that a legitimate talk show?”, ask it’s producers)! It’s either that one or another guy where they sitting around talking about getting your colon cleaned out and what specifically should be coming out. Then, at the end, the “host” says something like “I’m gonna say this, and I don’t care if I get censored, because I don’t think anyone has the *beep* to say this…” and you’re sitting they’re thinking “Did he really just (try to) say that on a fake talk show?”
As for hospital commercials, meh, they’ll always win. They get look all cool and hi-tech, so people mistakenly think they’re watching House.
By the way, I believe the solution to your problem is a little something called “picture-in-picture”. As long as these commercials aren’t so terrible that can’t even bear to have them in the corner of your eye, just switch to the other screen and life goes on.
* That would have been so much more funny had I been able to remember the correct spelling of “chotchkie”*. I’m pretty sure it starts with a ‘t’. Apparently the internet is no good for finding words you don’t know how to spell, only other people who misspell them the same way.
December 19, 2007 at 3:36 pm
I didn’t mean to imply that the point was about commercials – just things that make me switch off the TV. My TV doesn’t do PIP, but even if it did, the sense of rage that overtakes me in these moments would not allow me to just use PIP.
There’s just something about the sound of the woo-hoo. It gets in my head, and screeches at me all day long. I feel it’s flung itself far past kitschy into the realm of carelessly irresponsible.
I’m worried about you. I think loving commercials might be an illness of some kind. You don’t feel insulted by them? “Want to know why you should buy this phone? Well it’s..well, really, we spent a lot of money hiring people artsier than we are to make you think we like the same music you do. So obviously, you know. Buy this phone.”
December 19, 2007 at 4:09 pm
Commercials in general are retarded. I can’t remember the last time I saw one on TV and thought “I gotta have that”. Nope, not once in the last few years. The exception would be movie advertisements, which usually only focus on the best parts of the film, or my favorite, include scenes not found in the movie. In my house, the Mute button gets a workout.
December 19, 2007 at 8:00 pm
Ahhh, but don’t you see? That’s the whole point; it’s a commercial about people being carelessly irresponsible. It’s video of people doing stupid things to the tune of an equally stupid song.
The reason I would like a commercial’s music is because it’s simply a song I’ve never heard before that happens to strike me a certain way (at which point I’ll attempt to locate it’s name on the internet, download it, play it continuously for 1-5 days until it’s completely played out, and then forget about it for months at a time – but that’s an entirely different kind of dementia) or it’s good choice of music that fits either the product or the situation in the commercial. Now, importantly, I am not talking about iPod ads, nor commercials where they use a song because one phrase or fragment of a phrase is in a convoluted way connected to the product or tag line. You know how they do it: the narrator starts talking at you and then conveniently shuts up just in time for the music’s volume to be increased for that one glorious lyric, then back down again for more narrating; those are especially insulting, and demonstrate a complete lack of effort and creativity. Also note that a good use of a good song in a commercial does not necessarily imply a good commercial.
As for commercials that are good or great in their own right, those are rare. I can’t think of anything recent that qualifies. Certainly nothing like your example where they’re talking at me and making frequent, direct references to the product. There typically won’t even be a narrator all (maybe at the very end), nor text all over the screen.
Most commercials are, I think, targeted at people who are impulsive and/or willing to spend money they don’t actually have, who are at all concerned about being “stylish” or having the “latest”, and who are content to get all of the information about a product from the same people who make, sell, and ultimately profit from that product. None of those things applies to me, so I have to find another purpose for commercials. So, I look at commercials as being like very, very, very short films; the good ones are the ones that can successfully tell an actual story in that brief amount of time, and the great ones are the ones where you wouldn’t even know it was a commercial if it weren’t for the brief narration and obligatory company logo at the end.
So, which commercials am I talking about here? Well, as far as music goes, Nissan commercials from earlier this decade were usually pretty good. Cadillac and Infiniti commercials are great because of the style they present (and, in the most heterosexual way possible, I’ll say that I could just marry Liev Schreiber’s voice); you could make a similar case for Hummer. Volkswagen commercials have their own interesting style, and the ones from a few years ago were good (that tall, lanky salesman guy was hilarious). You see a trend here? Car commercials. And, quite honestly, beer commercials. Very good stylistically, very good at telling a story. Not all of them, of course.
As for great commercials, that’s tough. I can think of two off the top of my head. I enjoyed Dockers’ “Nice Pants” campaign from the late 1990’s, and their “Meet The Parents” ad was just fantastic. Not only did the music fit perfectly (Tropicando by Thievery Corporation), but the premise was brilliant, and the ending is just priceless.
One of my all-time favorite commercials aired during the Super Bowl in either 2000 or 2001. It’s the Volkswagen commercial called “The Big Day” where the guy is racing to break up a wedding. It’s a good, relatable, believable, complete story. Excellent cinematography/photography/whatever you want to call it. Again, good use of music, though, interestingly, the title and only lyrics to that song (One Million Miles by J. Ralph) would technically violate the rule I stated above. As a bonus, in an equally heterosexual manner, I’ll say that bride is absolutely stunning (that shot right after the guy’s altarcation where she takes a breath and looks into the camera – whoa). And the ending is just the ultimate payoff. I remember watching that for the first time and it’s just…so exciting. It’s the perfect commercial: it doesn’t have much of anything to do with the product and it actually leaves you wanting more.
(I’d also point out that last year I recognized the groom in a ridiculous Taco Bell commercial – totally ruins the whole thing.)
So, you see the difference? There’s commercials that tell a story, and then there’s those that sell you something. The ultimate goal is obviously the same, just two different tactics. For the latter category, I really do wish they’d just go back to the 1950’s style ads where a woman with a spatula stands at a kitchen counter and exclaims “Wow, this lard really is the best lard money can buy!” Anything more complicated than that often ends up being just…stupid. So often these commercials try to be smart, try to be funny, try to act like they know you, try to rely on a song to make up for their lack of substance, and it just ends up being terrible.
Then again, who watches TV in real time any more, anyways?
December 19, 2007 at 8:07 pm
Wow, a few more comments like that and I’ll have earned a controlling interest in this blog. That’s to say nothing of what would happen to the stock’s value, though…
I forgot to include links for the Volkswagen commercial: original and 30-second version (NEW!)
December 19, 2007 at 9:32 pm
Wow! Bacon I’m impressed! First with the assertion/admission of the target audience of commercials… then making me remember that I am a music snob, and that’s the only reason I don’t like how commercials rarely offer any music of actual value to me – 9 out of 10 times i already knew the song and was tired of it – a fact that I am probably too proud of anyway. Luckily I’ve reached the age your parents did when they stopping caring about any bands except for Chicago, so I’m gonna get a breather here pretty soon.
I hahveh mioreh thoih saynh nbuth as hynoiun hchanh seeh imynh ikeynnboiardh hash jnunsth hthoithailliyn hiloisth ith.
December 21, 2007 at 11:47 am
So, you DON’T like the Suzukiman, then?
December 21, 2007 at 6:22 pm
Can you believe how he humiliates his wife on that commercial? Bless her heart, she just stands there grinning like she’s in some defunct beauty pageant… which let’s face it, can’t be too far from the truth in Birmingham. It’s like pastors and choir soloists – lead singers and models – then follows the local TV car salesman and county wide beauty pageant runner up.
The Big Day and Beau Pantalon were both fantastic ad campaigns. While it’s nice to see that work appreciated, it doesn’t make commercials any less degrading on viewers – although it certainly softens the blow.
Happy Holidays everybody!
January 3, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Hiya J! had to return the visit!
OMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! *I* HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE the ‘Woo Hoo’ song too!!! i can now mute a vonage commercial within NANOSECONDS of its beginning! GOD it’s annoying!!
*grin* sorry for all the !! and the caps, but what can i say? it’s so nice to know someone else has the same pet peeve!!
~Z
March 10, 2008 at 10:05 am
Vonage makes a point to use that annoying song – so much so that they tack it onto the end of songs it doesn’t fit with at all. Their new commercials piss me off even more with that stupid woman and the “phone company.”
“The only thing we’ve changed is–”
“Your prices?”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, WAY TO GO VONAGE! HAHAHA! PRICES! THAT’S PRICELESS! HAHAHA!
Nice blog, by the way.